Gary Beck
(Mr. Barker leads in two performers to do a clown show.)
MR. BARKER: You can get ready here, but put make up on in the bathroom. No smoking.
KOKO: We don’t smoke.
MR. BARKER: No drinking.
PIPI: We don’t drink. We’re clowns! (Barker shrugs.) Like in the circus.
MR. BARKER: There’s no circus anymore.
KOKO: Of course there is.
MR. BARKER: It closed over a year ago. (Koko and Pipi look at each other.) Don’t you watch the news on TV?
PIPI: What about the elephants?
MR. BARKER: They got rid of them. Probably sold them for dog food. (Koko and Pipi react.)
(Exit Mr. Barker.)
PIPI: If there’s no circus, where do the parents take their kids?
KOKO: To a museum?
PIPI: That’s no fun.
KOKO: A movie?
PIPI: They watch Cable TV all the time. They need to see live shows.
KOKO: Like us.
PIPI: We’re lucky that they still come to see us.
KOKO: Let’s hope they like us.
PIPI: You know we’ll make them like us.
KOKO: I worry that they’ll stop wanting to see clowns. What will we do then?
PIPI: There’ll always be people who want to see us.
KOKO: Don’t be too sure.
PIPI: Am too.
KOKO: Am not.
PIPI: Am too. (They laugh.)
(Enter Mr. Barker.)
MR. BARKER: The parents and kids are coming in now.
KOKO: How old are they?
MR. BARKER: A lot of younger ones today. Mostly four- and five-year-olds. But there are older ones, eight and nine.
KOKO: That’s not good.
MR. BARKER: Why not?
KOKO: They’ll try to be cool in front of the younger kids and they’ll sit with their iPhones, texting with their friends.
MR. BARKER: We usually have singers or storytellers here. This is the first time we’ve had clowns, and only because our regular singer, the blue jay lady, got sick. Tell you the truth, I wanted to cancel today. I don’t think much of clowns.
PIPI: You’ll think a lot better of clowns once you see us perform.
MR. BARKER: I hope so. Let me know if you need anything.
(Exit Mr. Barker)
KOKO: So here we are again, getting ready to do our show for kids who’d rather be playing video games.
PIPI: They’ll love us.
KOKO: You say that every time.
PIPI: It’s our job.
KOKO: It would have been easier if I was born a princess.
PIPI: Why?
KOKO: Then I’d have a palace and we could invite all the kids and parents and they’d be impressed and love us.
PIPI: That’s sweet.
KOKO: I can be sweet.
PIPI: I know… We’ll make them love us.
(Enter Mr. Barker)
MR. BARKER: You two better get a move on. The kids’ll start getting restless if they sit too long.
KOKO: We’re preparing our mindsets.
MR. BARKER: (Suspiciously) What’s a mindset?
PIPI: It’s our way of preparing to perform.
MR. BARKER: This is getting weird. It’s bad enough that grown women should make fools of themselves clowning around…
PIPI: There’s a long tradition of women clowns.
MR. BARKER: I don’t know about that. Now get ready to go out there or you won’t get paid.
KOKO: We have a contract.
MR. BARKER: Then sue me. Get moving or else.
KOKO: That’s not the state to put us in just before a show.
MR. BARKER: Do you believe these girls? If you’re not ready to go in ten minutes you can do your next show in Alaska.
(Exit Mr. Barker)
KOKO: (To his back.) That’s not the state I meant.
PIPI: What did you mean?
KOKO: That we’re a sovereign state.
PIPI: I don’t understand.
KOKO: We’re bounded on five sides by air and on one side by terrestrial matter. (Pipi looks confused.) I’ll explain.
PIPI: I’m all ears.
KOKO: We are in front, back, both sides and on top, surrounded by air.
PIPI: Ah.
KOKO: And our feet rest on the ground.
PIPI: Ah.
KOKO: Thus! We exist before aforementioned points, a principality.
PIPI: Ah. Then we must always fear invasion.
KOKO: Why?
PIPI: Well, neighbors being neighbors, we’ll always… How shall I say it? Poach?
KOKO: Ah.
PIPI: Seek territorial expansion at the expense of others.
KOKO: A perspicuous comment.
PIPI: You’re so clever.
KOKO: Besides. We shouldn’t fear our neighbors.
PIPI: Then what?
KOKO: Ask who?
PIPI: Well?
KOKO: Say it.
PIPI: You’re so stubborn sometimes. (Koko is impatient). All right, all right. Who?
KOKO: A president who does bad things.
PIPI: What can we do about the president?
KOKO: Another perspicuous comment.
PIPI: What does perspicuous mean?
KOKO: That you’re smart.
PIPI: I always knew you recognized my intelligence. (Smart song and dance.)
(Enter Mr. Barker)
MR. BARKER: I thought I told you clowns to stop fooling around and get ready.
PIPI: We are.
MR. BARKER: If you’re not out there in 5 minutes, I’ll cancel the show and give you what’s coming to you. (Starts to exit.)
KOKO: We’d like to give you what’s coming to you. (Mr. Barker turns back.)
MR. BARKER: What did you say?
PIPI: Koko said you’ll appreciate the coming show.
MR. BARKER: Yeah. Right. Now get going.
PIPI: We’ll be ready in a minute or two.
MR. BARKER: You better be.
(Exit Mr. Barker)
KOKO: Once again, we’re being ordered around by a bully who doesn’t understand us.
PIPI: It’s only temporary.
KOKO: So’s life… I’m so tired of disguising myself in order to hide from so many horrors.
PIPI: But we still please so many people, especially children.
KOKO: Pleasure is fleeting. So is everything else.
PIPI: So what’s left?
KOKO: Enduring until the end.
PIPI: That doesn’t sound very promising.
KOKO: Promises are always broken.
PIPI: No they’re not! When I was six Mom promised to take me to the movies if I was good.
KOKO: And?
PIPI: She did. She did. That proves promises aren’t always broken.
KOKO: What’s a promise made to a child? Everything’s collapsing around us, despite the promises of the president to make things better. Yet we still paint our faces and put on costumes to try to stem the tide of despair.
PIPI: It’s not that bad.
KOKO: It is. It is. Will our suffering never end? But no matter what, we go out there and entertain.
PIPI: It’s our job.
KOKO: We should quit.
PIPI: You don’t mean that?
KOKO: Why not?
PIPI: Who would make people laugh?
KOKO: They’ll find somebody.
PIPI: What if they don’t?
KOKO: They will.
PIPI: What if they don’t?
KOKO: They’ll get along without laughter.
PIPI: They can’t!
KOKO: Of course they can. Laughter’s not that important.
PIPI: You don’t mean that.
KOKO: I do.
PIPI: We can’t get along without people. We need them.
(Enter Mr. Barker)
MR. BARKER: This is your last warning.
PIPI: We’ll just be a moment. (Pipi and Koko stand, put on costumes, hat, while Mr. Barker waits. To Koko:) Remember….
KOKO: Laugh, clown laugh.
PIPI: Just don’t forget we’re silent clowns.
(Exit all)
Gary Beck has spent most of his adult life as a theater director and worked as an art dealer when he couldn’t earn a living in the theater. He has also been a tennis pro, a ditch digger and a salvage diver. His original plays and translations of Moliere, Aristophanes and Sophocles have been produced Off Broadway. His poetry, fiction and essays have appeared in hundreds of literary magazines and his published books include 41 poetry collections, 16 novels, 4 short story collections, 2 collection of essays and 8 books of plays. Gary lives in New York City.
Featured photo by Following NYC (Pexels)
