Sarah Masters
Jan skewered a fat eyeball and pushed it into the soil next to its bloody companions. ‘Rest in peace,’ she murmured as she reset a toppled gravestone. ‘Well, perhaps not peace.’ She took in the carnage: there maggots feeding on beetles, a beetle feeding on an exposed root, a spider web shimmering over the remains of what could have been a cat or a rat. Jan wiped her sticky hands down her jeans and shivered. It was all very, very satisfying. There was just one final touch. She picked up an enormous black widow spider, sat it in the centre of the web and took a bow. ‘Do your worst.’
Beyond the kitchen, a door creaked and opened. ‘That you, Matt?’ Jan called. ‘Perfect timing. Come in. Come and look at my masterpiece.’
Matt the delivery guy entered the kitchen cautiously. You never knew what to expect from Jan. He shook his head. This was way beyond her usual efforts. ‘You’re mad, Jan. Seriously.’
‘Good, no?’ Jan took off her stained apron. ‘Take a closer look.’
Matt walked around the kitchen table, his mouth open, as he studied the cake from different angles. ‘You’re a witch, Jan. A bloody witch. Are those eyeballs?’
‘Lychees and strawberry sauce.’
‘And worms?’
‘Gelatin. The rest — well, it’s basically chocolate, caramel and marzipan.’
‘Genius. Shame about the kitchen, though. Looks like the beasts have taken their revenge.’
Jan grimaced. ‘It’s worth it for the kiddies, though.’
Matt nodded. ‘They’ll love it. Absolutely love it.’
***
Matt placed the cake box in his delivery bag next to his previous pick-up and left Jan to her cleaning. He just had two deliveries left, thank the saints, or maybe he should thank something else, being as it was Halloween. He rubbed his eyes. The dark afternoons took their toll. Just two boxes, two deliveries, then he could go home. Cocoa and telly, turn the lights off so he didn’t get any Halloween visitors. He squinted at the first address. Something hall? Yes, that looked right.
***
At Hall Lane, the decorations were jumping, balloons popping, kids hurling themselves around the bouncy castle. Matt reeled at the noise and handed over the cake box as soon as he could to a parent dressed as Dracula. He flexed his fingers and rolled his shoulders as he got back on his bike. Just one more delivery.
***
At Lane Hall, the lights were twinkling, balloons bobbing gracefully below a banner to “The Happy Couple.” Matt handed the last cake box to a waiter in a bow tie, accepted a tiny salmon tart in his pocket for later, and headed home. At last.
***
At Hall Lane, the kids were high on adrenalin. They snatched the tiny wedding couple from the beautiful cake set among the Halloween decorations and chucked it onto the floor. ‘Cake!’ they yelled, as they stuffed their fists into the icing.
***
At Lane Hall the bride stifled a scream at the sugar maggots and spiders that adorned her wedding cake. And was that a half eaten rat on top? It was monstrous. Her new husband had a hand over his mouth. They looked at each other, and the bridegroom hiccupped, once, and then twice. Was he actually laughing? He was! The bride broke off a shard of caramel spider web and shoved it between her husband’s lips. ‘Mmmmff’, he said, giving a thumps up. The bride tasted a piece herself. He was right, it was delicious. Hey, better this cake than no cake at all, they agreed, and cackled as they plunged the cake knife into the layers, eyeballs and worms scattering left and right.
***
Safely back home, Matt snoozed on the sofa. Outside, the neighbourhood children were giggling and shrieking as they went from door to door. Not Matt’s door though, because he’d turned off all the lights. No, he thought. My trick or treat years are long gone. Or were they? His phone pinged. Jan. And a picture of a family sized bar of chocolate. ‘Fancy a treat?’ read the message. ‘No tricks, I promise.’
Sarah Masters lives in York and teaches English for Speakers of Other Languages. Her tiny stories can be found in Funny Pearls, Full House Literary, Roi Fainéant, Witcraft and Shooter Flash. She will not be trick or treating this Halloween but will probably be eating cake. Contact @serreyjma
Featured photo by Francesco Gasparro (Pexels)
