Shamik Banerjee
The Bathroom Singer
Who are his listeners? Well, the soap,
Commode, bath towel, sponge, shampoo,
And yes, the king-sized bathtub too.
But sadly, I don’t see much hope
Of his success, although his voice
Might chase away unwelcome guests,
Produce a laugh when I’m depressed,
Or be a meme creator’s choice.
Last night, our neighbour Deb, alas,
Spent hours rocking his tots’ cribs.
(He plans to grind this singer’s ribs.)
God knows what else will come to pass.
If his long gigs don’t wind up soon,
I’ll be compelled to flee this land.
Perhaps one fine day I should hand
This superstar an auto-tune.
A Masterclass on How to Make Your Friend Pay at a Restaurant
At first, begin with too much courtesy—
“Don’t pull your wallet out. The treat’s on me.”
Hold on till all the dishes have been brought
Then sprinkle some dismay-related thought:
“My loan installments are still overdue.
Financial walls are hard to drill into.”
Keep chewing slowly—that’s the vital part—
A sign that proves there’s sadness in your heart.
A little pause, then spin another tale—
Some surgery or ailment doesn’t fail.
Repeat these steps until your buddy’s eyes
Are dewy or his mouth’s exhaling sighs.
This is the saturation point, dear friends!
Just one more move, and then the process ends:
Right when the bill comes, show the courtesy
To pay, but now with low intensity;
Your guy’ll oppose, but be a gentleman
(Don’t overact because it spoils the plan);
Say “I’ll pay” once (two times will make it worse),
Then watch the heavy banknotes leave his purse.
A side note:
If what I taught is not productive, then,
I swear I’ll never coach this stuff again.
The Astrologer
Believe me, sir, your daughter’s marriage line’s
Uneven, meaning she’ll have conflicts with
Her partner. Also, Saturn in the fifth
House indicates a joyless life. Her sign’s
Aquarius: eccentric; full of pride.
Thereby, the slightest argument may force
Her mind to change: a straightaway divorce;
A life where every nuptial stream has dried!
But there are good solutions, too; don’t fear—
Some simple rites to please the God of Fire,
Together with a ring of blue sapphire,
Will make sure baleful omens disappear.
Her blissful future’s just a swipe away
And that too under 67k.
Waking Up
While one may trust a digital clock
Or simply use his phone,
Another may bank on a cock
Whose call’s a deafening tone.
But I don’t need a small device
Or bird to help me wake.
My dad’s tongue-scraping moans and cries
Are loud enough to break
My sleep (however deep it is).
He rises up at seven
And steals my little Sunday bliss
Of lazing till eleven.
Although that noise can be endured,
I fear his nasal-clearings—
One blow can shake the neighborhood
And may impair one’s hearing.
Shamik Banerjee is a poet from India. He resides in Assam with his parents. His poems have been published by Sparks of Calliope, The Hypertexts, Thimble, Ink Sweat & Tears, Autumn Sky Daily, and Modern Reformation, among others. He secured the second position in the Southern Shakespeare Company Sonnet Contest 2024. Instagram: @where_tales_end
Featured photo by karolina grabowska (Pexels)
