Drug Dealing Monkeys Arrested in Bangladesh (Reuters)
Ahmed’s Story
Yes, it’s true that the two monkeys who’ve been arrested for dealing drugs, Munni and Hamid, were living under my roof but let me assure you that I had no idea what they were up to. They’ve been living in my garage now for nearly a year. A friend of mine, Ali, asked if they could stay there because he knew that I didn’t own a car and so had no real use for the garage. Ali told me that he would pay me very well, feed and take care of the monkeys, and that they would be no trouble.
At first, I was taken in just like everyone else by their appearance. Munni, in particular, the little one with the big brown eyes, is very cute. I’ve grown very fond of her. Both monkeys are friendly although they sometimes throw banana peels and peanut shells at me when my back is turned. My wife says they throw turds at her, but I have never seen them do it.
I should have known they were too good to be true. My friend Ali was paying me too much, but I needed the money and suspected nothing. At least not at first. Though I have to admit, there was something suspicious about Hamid. He often seemed to be sneering rather than smiling and he would sometimes spit and give Munni a high five when he thought I wasn’t looking.
The expensive sneakers should have been a clue. They were both wearing Nike running shoes. I thought they were black market knock-offs but it turns out they were the real thing. As for the beeper that Hamid carried, Ali told me that that was how they kept in touch and that it was just in case either of the monkeys needed him or were in trouble. They liked to climb, Ali said, and they sometimes got stuck in high places and he would have to come and get them down. In retrospect, of course, I should have known there was more going on than met the eye. The phone that Hamid carried wherever he went should have told me something. I thought it was a play phone. Now I know the monkeys were taking orders from customers.
The Rolex watches Hamid and Munni both wore should have been a tip-off too, but Ali told me they were fakes and why wouldn’t I believe him? They looked fake to me. I had never seen a real one. The late-night parties with the fancy cars parked along the street and the whoops and shouts of young men and women coming from the garage I assumed were all part of what Ali called the circus atmosphere Hamid and Munni were accustomed to.
If there’s a law against hospitality then I plead guilty and promise to do my time. I just want my family and children to know that I had no idea what those monkeys were up to. The drugs the police discovered in my room were obviously planted by Hamid. Munni would never do such a thing. Anyway, I know I’m taking the fall. The monkeys made a deal to testify against me (they know how to sign). I’m sure they were the ones who pointed me out in the line-up. If it was just one of them, I’d have a chance in court, but with the two, my goose is cooked even though I’m innocent as a lamb.
So, people, all I’m saying is, if you are approached by monkeys trying to sell you something or even by someone looking to rent a place for monkeys, just say no.
Hamid’s Story
What can I say, gambling’s in my nature. When the rest of the troop was into grooming, I was placing bets on who would depose the leader first. There were always takers and I always won. Well almost. I’d bet on anything. From whether one of the pregnant females was gonna have a male or a female, to how many bananas were in a bunch. I could’ve stayed in the jungle and made out fine, but I let, that’s right let myself be captured and sold like a slave to this Ali because I knew he was a gamer and it was an angle I could work. It was Ali got us into the drug racket. What’s it to me? If humans want to take drugs, I say power to them. Myself, I stick to booze. I’ll tell you, with my metabolism it don’t take much. Hey, hey, I am one cheap drunk. Ask anyone. Still, I was smart enough to demand and get something every time we carried or delivered on a deal. The running shoes, the Rolex, the cell phones. If it had kept up, I woudda been wearing diamonds the size of walnuts. Plus, I never would have gotten caught. Ali had to get our landlord involved–Ahmed. That dude is whack and I said as much to Munni but she was always soft on humans. We’re opposites, Munni and me and you know what they say about opposites. I guess it’s true. My one big weakness is that I love to party. That is what brought the cops in and brung us down.
Munni’s Story
First of all, my name is not Munni, it’s Money, okay? Money ‘cause I am lucky and smart. Yes, it’s true what Hamid says, he loves to party–the bigger the better, the more the merrier. We both loved seeing those cars lined up on the street. I’d wear the jewelry he was always giving me and I’d get him to groom me for hours before the guests arrived. It was all worth it. I don’t regret a thing. I mean, well, I do have remorse. I have remorse for my actions and want to live a more responsible life but well, we had fun. I just think that Hamid couldn’t get used to my flirting–that’s all it was. I never, ever got involved with Ahmed or Ali although Hamid doesn’t believe me. They were the ones who fell for me and I just fended them off. I can’t tell you how many times I said no. Drugs I could take or leave. I did some now and then. Sure, I like a little coke, what monkey doesn’t? I heard about those monkeys in the experiment who chose the coke over food until they starved to death and I understand why, but I was never addicted. If you ask me, it was Ali who was the weak link. Ahmed was just a stooge. They should both go down and I’ll be happy to testify against them but isn’t there a deal you can offer us? Can’t you move us and give us a new identity? If not both Hamid and me, how about just me? I mean Hamid was the one got me involved in this in the first place. He talked me into it. Couldn’t you set me up in a cushy zoo, say, San Diego?
Ed Meek’s new book of poems, Great Pond, is available on Amazon. His collection of stories is called Luck. His memoir, In the Cooling Twilight, has just come out with Broken Tribe Press.
https://www.edmeek.net
Featured photo by SweeMing YOUNG (Pexels)
