“The court is now in session. So, let me get this right; you killed a dra…”
“Smote, your lordship.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Smote, your lordship. My humble apologies, but that is what I did. I freely admit it.”
“Hmm, you say you … smote the, er, the dragon?”
“That is correct, your lordship.”
“May I enquire, why did you kil … er, smote the aforementioned dragon?”
“Smite, your lordship.”
“What? But you just said smote.”
“I am aware of that, your lordship. But in the tense you are employing, smite is the correct form.”
“Dammit, man, why did you kill the dragon?!”
“To rescue the damsel, sire.”
“Ah, yes, I was hoping to question you about that. The young lady in question …”
“Damsel, your lordship.”
“Er, yes, quite. The, er, … the damsel in question; before you interfered, did you ask her permission to be rescued?”
“Oh. I am sorry, your lordship, I am failing to comprehend the meaning behind your question.”
“Did you ask her beforehand if she wanted rescuing? Did you seek her permission?”
“Why, your lordship?”
“Because maybe she didn’t want rescuing. You were interfering in her affairs without first checking if your assistance was, in fact, needed, or even wanted. She has certain privacy rights in this regard.”
“Am I to understand, your lordship, it is your considered opinion that, prior to smiting the dragon, I should have sought permission from the damsel in question?”
“Precisely. And it is not just my considered opinion, it is the law.”
“Oh.”
“Some people may consider that you trespassed on her personal space. So, I will ask again, did you seek her permission?!”
“As you are well aware, your lordship, in this court I am under oath to speak only the truth. Therefore, I cannot deny it; at no time did I seek the damsel’s permission to rescue her from a life-threatening situation.”
“Why not?”
“It never occurred to me to ask for her permission. What would be the purpose? The situation seemed clear to me. I simply raised my lance and charged.”
“Ah, yes, I’m glad you brought that up. This lance, can you describe it for the court, please?”
“Certainly, your lordship. It is my weapon of choice when dragon hunting. It has a total length of ten feet and weighs fifteen pounds. It is made from a shaft of England’s finest ash, attached to a sharp tip made from the strongest iron. It is a beautifully balanced weapon, your lordship, the best in my collection.”
“Your collection?! You mean you have several of these dangerous items at home?”
“Which knight does not, your lordship? But the one in question I selected as being the most appropriate for piercing the scaly hide of a dragon.”
“You sound like you’ve had some previous experience of this sort of thing?”
“Your lordship, modesty does not permit me to divulge such matters. But, thank you.”
“Quite. Er, regarding this lance, indeed your entire lance collection, do you have a license?”
“A license, your lordship?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Why would one need a license for such items?”
“Why?! You ask, why? We simply cannot have people amassing an arsenal of weapons at home without some sort of legal control. If everyone was armed, we’d have anarchy.”
“Anarchy, your lordship?”
“Yes, dammit, anarchy! People would be wandering the streets, armed to the hilt, attacking all and sundry. They’d form themselves into vigilante groups, and then we’d have all-out gang warfare. It would be like America.”
“Ameri .. what, your lordship?”
“Oh, never mind.”
“As you wish, your lordship.”
“Yes, dammit, this is my court, and you are the blighter on trial. I’ll ask the questions. Now, there’s one last thing before I pass sentence on you.”
“Yes, your lordship?”
“It’s concerning the dragon.”
“Yes, your lordship?”
“Are you aware these creatures are a protected species?”
“A large, fire-breathing dragon?! Protected, your lordship? From whom?”
“From people like you!”
“But why, your lordship? Surely, it is the villagers who need protection, not the dragon?”
“Dragons are an endangered species, protected by law.”
“But, but, … such creatures have a record of attacking innocent people, distressed damsels especially. I see it merely as my duty to protect the citizenry from these vicious, unprovoked attacks.”
“Oh, you do, do you?”
“Yes, your lordship. Without this valuable service, many would die, burnt to a crisp by the foul-mouthed flames of a dragon.”
“But if people like you go around killing dragons willy-nilly, there’ll be none left.”
“Precisely, your lordship, that is our aim.”
“What?! Are you trying to make dragons extinct?”
“Er, precisely, your lordship. Surely, better the dragons than the villagers.”
“In all my years on the bench, I have never presided over a case such as this. To begin with, your collection of lances demonstrates a blatant and reckless disregard for public safety. Further, your unsolicited interference in the lives of young women is most worrying, bordering on perverse; you’re just an infuriating busy-body. And as for your campaign of violence against these endangered animals and complete disregard for their continuation as a species, I am lost for words. I feel duty bound to sentence you to the maximum permitted. You will carry out six months community service.”
“But, your lordship, I already serve the community, as a dragon-slayer; it is my raison d’être.”
“Ha! There’ll be no more slaying from now on for you, my fellow. You can put that lance to better use picking up litter in the streets. Of course, you’ll be expected to wear an orange, hi-visibility jacket over that armour of yours. Just make sure you leave the damsels alone, and no more smiting! This is a civilized society!”
“Yes, your lordship.”
“Trial By Trial” was first published in Witcraft (now defunct) in February 2025 and is part of Michael Smith’s collection of very short stories, L < M. A free sample of the collection is available here.
In the past year, Michael Smith’s fiction has appeared in Fabula Argentea, Witcraft, Literally Stories, Microromance, Heimat Review, The Hooghly Review, Little Old Lady Comedy, and many other online literary journals. To date, he has self-published a historical fantasy called Dinner Time, two volumes in the Gruseltal series, and three collections of short stories, Fonts, Songs, and L < M, all available from online bookstores.
Website: https://frucht-schleifen.weebly.com/
Featured photo by khezez | خزاز (Pexels)
